So blog number twenty two or something, I have another website. I wrote a book (After the Fall) and seemingly need to promote it before I can find an agent to promote it to publishers who will promote it to readers but only after I’ve sold a bazillion copies.
The new website for said promotion is here – Gerry Gainford, a writer.
We’ve fostered kittens before and Urs has been wanting to do it again. So say hello to this little guy, Bruce Wayne. Here he is with his bestest friend, a brush.
Then his siblings got trapped and since he could use some non-brush company we have these lot.
We went to see Skyscraper at the weekend. Excellent, brainless fun. Great overly-clichéd The Rock movie. The first five minutes gives the whole thing away, you know who the bad guy is going to be, you know the secret to saving the day. Everything is obvious but still great fun. Go see it.
But why is it the movie for our time? It teaches us an important lesson. Long ago, Sean Connery showed us that if you want to take over the world, you shouldn’t have an unnecessarily long and complicated way to kill the secret agent. Especially after you explain your evil plans in depth.
Since then baddies the world over have learned from this. Want to take over the world? Shoot 007 in the head and we’re good. Slow death with sharks? You’re going to prison.
Now the new lesson is best shown with this diagram.
Are you planning to take over the world / destroy the world / steal something?
So why is this the movie for our time?
Well these guys didn’t look at my handy flowchart.
A man’s place is not in the kitchen dammit, it’s in front of the tv, drinking beer and watching sportsball. So when I bought a house and discovered dishes didn’t clean themselves it was time to earn man-points and not do them. As herself wasn’t going to do them, there was only one thing for it, a robot beer glass washer. A robot’s place is in the kitchen.
So we checked the internets and found a dishwasher on sale and waited for it to come in. “We offer installation” said Lowes. At a price. No Real Man ™ would need that. We have tools and things. We have YouTubes. We can do this. I looked at the video, it looks easy.
So then it arrived and the instruction manual was in some kind of kitchen speak. I don’t know, my place is watching sportsball, not washing dishes so I don’t speak kitchenspeak. Anyway it was a lot more trouble than the two minute video I’d watched on the Google machine.
I called Lowes back. “Oh we don’t install them, we just replace them.” I called a place that repaired them. Nope. No one installs dishwashers. Sure, they’ll charge you a hundred and seventy bucks to swap one out, but a new one? Nope.
So I found the longer video. Manly plumbers with tool belts and ass cracks that go through it step by step. I made a trip to Home Depot for a T-junction pipe. And then another for a thingey-ma-bob that connects a 1/4″ line to a 3/8″ line or something like that. And then another for a GFI socket. I tripped switches, I created sparks as I wired things, I connected hoses. Leaks were sprung. I found it wouldn’t fit because my counter was 1/4″ too low. I bought my first angle grinder, a fancy ass one with a diamond blade and filled the kitchen with dust. Next up is a robot dust remover machine. I pushed, I shoved. I cut some more and grinded some angles and shoved it in. I discovered what PTFE pipe tape is.
Leaks stopped, taps got turned on. Things were plugged in. Sparks stopped sparking. Dishes were given to my cleaning robot and a day after I started things got cleaned.
Once again Urs has outdone herself with the Advent Calendars. From beer advent calendars to beer and Star Wars Lego advent calendars we now have the whiskey calendar. Each day has a 30ml bottle, sealed with wax for that authentic feel (and to piss you off as you try to remove it), of an American whiskey.
Since I’m leaving for Ireland on the 21st I have to start early. Last night’s Balcones Texas Single Malt was quite good. Cheers.
10 miles? Really? What the hell was I on? I even decided on this before California decided to legalise weed.
Anyway, I’ve been training for it. Mostly. I built up to 3 miles and then just hit the wall constantly. Which isn’t meant to happen at 3 miles. Using the same plan as I did for the half marathon 2 years ago in Vancouver. This time though I had extra time to prepare and it’s not working out. Managed 5 miles on Sunday before I stopped due to rain. And I’m going to run in Ireland?
Now relying on Ireland legalising speed / coke and replacing the water stops with lines. It’s going to be a tough 10 miles.
I’m going to be back in Ireland for Christmas and what better way to work off the turkey and meet up with people than running 10 miles. So I signed up for a race, a 10 mile in Ardagh, Co Longford on the 27th. Want to come join in the
madness torture fun? You can sign up here.
So now I have to start training, the full Couch to 10 mile. I’m looking at the Hal Higdon plan here. So far I’m just back from a weekend in Canada, sitting around, drinking and eating. So I have the couch part of the whole plan going well.
There are 2 egg and sausage biscuit sandwiches at the breakfast buffet. You need help with this decision? I wrote you a poem
Eenie meenie, miney mo,
Pick a sandwich, then you go,
Or take two, but you’re too slow,
So get the fuck out of the line.
I have to get to work.
Today jackass, today.