Real men don’t do dishes

A man’s place is not in the kitchen dammit, it’s in front of the tv, drinking beer and watching sportsball. So when I bought a house and discovered dishes didn’t clean themselves it was time to earn man-points and not do them. As herself wasn’t going to do them, there was only one thing for it, a robot beer glass washer. A robot’s place is in the kitchen.

So we checked the internets and found a dishwasher on sale and waited for it to come in. “We offer installation” said Lowes. At a price. No Real Man ™ would need that. We have tools and things. We have YouTubes. We can do this. I looked at the video, it looks easy.

So then it arrived and the instruction manual was in some kind of kitchen speak. I don’t know, my place is watching sportsball, not washing dishes so I don’t speak kitchenspeak. Anyway it was a lot more trouble than the two minute video I’d watched on the Google machine.

I called Lowes back. “Oh we don’t install them, we just replace them.” I called a place that repaired them. Nope. No one installs dishwashers. Sure, they’ll charge you a hundred and seventy bucks to swap one out, but a new one? Nope.

So I found the longer video. Manly plumbers with tool belts and ass cracks that go through it step by step. I made a trip to Home Depot for a T-junction pipe. And then another for a thingey-ma-bob that connects a 1/4″ line to a 3/8″ line or something like that. And then another for a GFI socket. I tripped switches, I created sparks as I wired things, I connected hoses. Leaks were sprung. I found it wouldn’t fit because my counter was 1/4″ too low. I bought my first angle grinder, a fancy ass one with a diamond blade and filled the kitchen with dust. Next up is a robot dust remover machine. I pushed, I shoved. I cut some more and grinded some angles and shoved it in. I discovered what PTFE pipe tape is.

Leaks stopped, taps got turned on. Things were plugged in. Sparks stopped sparking. Dishes were given to my cleaning robot and a day after I started things got cleaned.

Just a manly guy with power tools having a beer and thinking about sportsball while robots clean the dishes.