gerry gainford

The cum will come out tomorrow….

… bet your bottom (ten thousand) dollars that tomorrow…

Not quite the song from Annie but close. Tomorrow is IVF egg retrieval (requires a doctor, a nurse, a lot of machines , sedation etc) and sperm retrieval (requires a right hand and some dodgy porn).

According to the internet the dates to watch are;

Singleton Due Date: October 06, 2013 – OK
Twins By Ave Gestation: September 14, 2013 – Em, maybe
Triplets By Ave Gestation: August 18, 2013 – Holy shit.
Quads By Ave Gestation: August 11, 2013 – Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Update Sunday 13th

33 fricking eggs retrieved. Woooohoooooo.

Not sure how many sperm since I didn’t count but they’re all dodgy. Too many white blood cells so I may have an infection. But they can pick the good ones out and use those so it’s all ok. Oh those science types – nerds the lot of them but where would we be without them? With infected smegma, that’s where.

Hmm, this blog is going down the drain fast if all I discuss is jizz.



Christmas Markets

Now that Christmas is over maybe it’s time for some Christmas type photos.

We drove down to Levenworth in Washington, ,a very German town (with schnitzel and beer) for the Chriskindelmartk. Which was lots of fun.





Then there was the Vancouver Christmas market during which it pissed rain.

2012-12-15 11.08.11

Of course at some stage we had to have the big dinner so herself’s sister and beau came over. This was stuffed chicken on the outside or something like that. We found the recipe on the interweb and had to try it out. Add extra stuffing, half cooked veg, some mashed spuds, cranberry sauce, beer and wine and we have a winner.

2012-12-23 15.08.35


And lastly Yoda got into the Christmas spirit.2012-12-01 12.33.59

Run away, run away

We’ve started shots for IVF. Well Urs has started shots. I’ve been told to practice. Shots of extra hormones. And even more hormones. I’ve hidden all the sharp objects and anything that might be used as a weapon. But I still think I should run. If I am found beaten to death with a cat please look for herself as suspect number one. Wait, you’re wondering what practice? Think about it. Get it. Ahhhhh…..

Ursula’s birthday pee

 We had some friends over for cake last night for Ursula’s birthday. Ice cream cake, pavlova and an un-iced (don’t ask) angel food cake. Hugo arrived as well, wearing the t-shirt we brought him back from Ireland, or should we say his excuse.

At one stage he disappeared upstairs, and then Ursula was called up and they were up there a while. Then he came down with something to tell me.

“I pee’d on your pillow,” he admitted.

But the t-shirt says it all. He’s not yet two, only learning to speak but already has the “it wasn’t me” excuse perfected. Damn leprechauns.

Blessing the baby

First I guess I should welcome Eden, Canada’s cutest god-daughter to the planet. And then ask if there’s meant to be a hyphen on god-daughter?

But anyway, there’s a blessing happening and herself is busy looking for just the right one to have read out for us (cause we’re that kind of god-parents, absent and not sure if that hyphen is still meant to be there). I thought we should go with tradition. There happens to be long precedent here. Right back to when 3 good fairies blessed Sleeping Beauty.

So, Eden, may you know beauty and song and when you’re 16 if you prick your finger on a spindle we hope you don’t die but lapse into a coma until some guy comes to make out with you.

House training the cat

We have 2 cats, Yoda and Nalla. Both use a litter box. Yoda though covers his shit. Nalla on the other hand doesn’t. Instead she scratches loudly at the edge of the box until some one comes and covers it for her and cleans out the litter box. Too much of a prima donna to get her paws dirty.
So myself and herself sitting watching TV and make comments like “Your cat needs you”, “No, isn’t she your cat?”
Yesterday I lost and went to scoop while holding my nose. When I got there Nalla (which I’ve just discovered auto corrects as balls on my tablet) gives up all pretense of trying to cover her crap and runs off. Which is quite usual. That’s kind of what she keeps us puny humans around for. That and scratching under her chin.
But, before I could grab the scoop, Yoda jumps in and covers it and hops back out. Which earned him cat treats. Which is kind of why he keeps us around. Now if I can just teach him to pour a scotch…

Private Browsing – It’s not just for porn anymore.

The Vancouver Sun decided recently they want me to pay to read it online. If you view more than 15 articles in a month you have to subscribe. I thought that since they have 50% or more of the page as ads, well that’s enough.
In comes Firefox and their Porn-At-Work Mode. Also known as private browsing. It doesn’t save any info on your computer, any history or cookies so your boss can’t look it up and see you spent the day watching kitten videos. Or sex kittens.

(By the way, there’s lots of other ways to track you having spent 6 hours at work looking at interviews with Twilight stars).

Anyway, without this tracking data, the Vancouver Sun doesn’t get to count how many articles you read. Or maybe you’re just embarrassed to be seen reading it.

Maybe I shouldn’t be a food blogger

After 3 years married to herself we went all out to celebrate. Out to Five Doors Down on Marine Drive where we gorged ourselves on Tapatizers. I even went as far as to take photos of the food for you, my devoted fans.


What can I say? We were hungry and by the time I remembered to take a photo, well it was all gone.

On the plus side I can say Five Doors Down is worth a visit. Their onion rings can only be described as awesome, the terrine was devine, the beer cold, the fries excellent, the salad delicious and the desserts? Well the desserts were worth the week of exercise I’ll need to work them off.



Sailing again

I went sailing again last weekend with Dee and Arran. Arran I need to take sailing again for 2 reasons. 1 he knows how to sail which is always useful becuase I’m winging it. And 2 this is what he brings back from the galley when he goes to make snacks.

Take notes anyone who would like to come sailing round the Gulf Islands.

This is how the weather looked as I was heading to the boat. A bit of an early start. But an hour out the wind picked up nicely to sail on and the sun stayed out.


Dee was on the helm most of the weekend. Which was great since I spent most of it lying in the sun sleeping. We did end up searching the Saltspring Island market Saturday morning for hats. Lots of sun. Really. Lots.



Now I’m home for a few weeks. I think anyway. The weathers meant to be really nice this weekend and it it continues for the month I might just have to make use of it.

Good design

I’m a fan of good design. I’m not talking the nice colour scheme and matching collars and cuffs which is all fine and dandy, but functionality gets me going. I’d get hard in an Ikea kitchen. So when I see something that is this functional I like it. OK, I might not have had dirty thoughts about this one but this was just such a good idea I’m surprised no one thought of it earlier.image

Yes, it’s a power socket in a hotel room safe. So you can leave your cell (or in this case a tablet, it was plenty big enough) in there and charge it. Brilliant.

This was in a hotel room in the Hyatt in Philadelphia. For those that care.