Cute don’t you think? Look like me?

It’s all a load of crap. I went to Ireland for 11 days. On the plane – beer and plane food. In Ireland a solid diet of rashers, sausages, Lucozade, Tayto cheese and onion, chocolate biscuit cake and Guinness. The nearest I got to a vegetable was the Tayto. Come home and what has happened my weight. Not a thing. Nada. Nowt.

Fast forward to Christmas. A diet of turkey, stuffing, Baileys coffee, a cheese and spinach strata, beer, wine and whiskey. I manage after this to go up a pound. After about 2 weeks of this, up 1 pound.

New Year. Ok, I’m on the heavy side so let’s be better in 2013. Weight watchers (which I stick to) and some exercise even. The first in about 2 months. What’s my weight after a week? Up 4 pounds. 4 freaking pounds.

So should I just live on Guinness, whiskey and Taytos?

… bet your bottom (ten thousand) dollars that tomorrow…

Not quite the song from Annie but close. Tomorrow is IVF egg retrieval (requires a doctor, a nurse, a lot of machines , sedation etc) and sperm retrieval (requires a right hand and some dodgy porn).

According to the internet the dates to watch are;

Singleton Due Date: October 06, 2013 – OK
Twins By Ave Gestation: September 14, 2013 – Em, maybe
Triplets By Ave Gestation: August 18, 2013 – Holy shit.
Quads By Ave Gestation: August 11, 2013 – Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Update Sunday 13th

33 fricking eggs retrieved. Woooohoooooo.

Not sure how many sperm since I didn’t count but they’re all dodgy. Too many white blood cells so I may have an infection. But they can pick the good ones out and use those so it’s all ok. Oh those science types – nerds the lot of them but where would we be without them? With infected smegma, that’s where.

Hmm, this blog is going down the drain fast if all I discuss is jizz.

Now that Christmas is over maybe it’s time for some Christmas type photos.

We drove down to Levenworth in Washington, ,a very German town (with schnitzel and beer) for the Chriskindelmartk. Which was lots of fun.

Then there was the Vancouver Christmas market during which it pissed rain.

Of course at some stage we had to have the big dinner so herself’s sister and beau came over. This was stuffed chicken on the outside or something like that. We found the recipe on the interweb and had to try it out. Add extra stuffing, half cooked veg, some mashed spuds, cranberry sauce, beer and wine and we have a winner.

And lastly Yoda got into the Christmas spirit.

We’ve started shots for IVF. Well Urs has started shots. I’ve been told to practice. Shots of extra hormones. And even more hormones. I’ve hidden all the sharp objects and anything that might be used as a weapon. But I still think I should run. If I am found beaten to death with a cat please look for herself as suspect number one. Wait, you’re wondering what practice? Think about it. Get it. Ahhhhh…..

 We had some friends over for cake last night for Ursula’s birthday. Ice cream cake, pavlova and an un-iced (don’t ask) angel food cake. Hugo arrived as well, wearing the t-shirt we brought him back from Ireland, or should we say his excuse.

At one stage he disappeared upstairs, and then Ursula was called up and they were up there a while. Then he came down with something to tell me.

“I pee’d on your pillow,” he admitted.

But the t-shirt says it all. He’s not yet two, only learning to speak but already has the “it wasn’t me” excuse perfected. Damn leprechauns.

First I guess I should welcome Eden, Canada’s cutest god-daughter to the planet. And then ask if there’s meant to be a hyphen on god-daughter?

But anyway, there’s a blessing happening and herself is busy looking for just the right one to have read out for us (cause we’re that kind of god-parents, absent and not sure if that hyphen is still meant to be there). I thought we should go with tradition. There happens to be long precedent here. Right back to when 3 good fairies blessed Sleeping Beauty.

So, Eden, may you know beauty and song and when you’re 16 if you prick your finger on a spindle we hope you don’t die but lapse into a coma until some guy comes to make out with you.

We have 2 cats, Yoda and Nalla. Both use a litter box. Yoda though covers his shit. Nalla on the other hand doesn’t. Instead she scratches loudly at the edge of the box until some one comes and covers it for her and cleans out the litter box. Too much of a prima donna to get her paws dirty.
So myself and herself sitting watching TV and make comments like “Your cat needs you”, “No, isn’t she your cat?”
Yesterday I lost and went to scoop while holding my nose. When I got there Nalla (which I’ve just discovered auto corrects as balls on my tablet) gives up all pretense of trying to cover her crap and runs off. Which is quite usual. That’s kind of what she keeps us puny humans around for. That and scratching under her chin.
But, before I could grab the scoop, Yoda jumps in and covers it and hops back out. Which earned him cat treats. Which is kind of why he keeps us around. Now if I can just teach him to pour a scotch…

The Vancouver Sun decided recently they want me to pay to read it online. If you view more than 15 articles in a month you have to subscribe. I thought that since they have 50% or more of the page as ads, well that’s enough.
In comes Firefox and their Porn-At-Work Mode. Also known as private browsing. It doesn’t save any info on your computer, any history or cookies so your boss can’t look it up and see you spent the day watching kitten videos. Or sex kittens.

(By the way, there’s lots of other ways to track you having spent 6 hours at work looking at interviews with Twilight stars).

Anyway, without this tracking data, the Vancouver Sun doesn’t get to count how many articles you read. Or maybe you’re just embarrassed to be seen reading it.

After 3 years married to herself we went all out to celebrate. Out to Five Doors Down on Marine Drive where we gorged ourselves on Tapatizers. I even went as far as to take photos of the food for you, my devoted fans.

What can I say? We were hungry and by the time I remembered to take a photo, well it was all gone.

On the plus side I can say Five Doors Down is worth a visit. Their onion rings can only be described as awesome, the terrine was devine, the beer cold, the fries excellent, the salad delicious and the desserts? Well the desserts were worth the week of exercise I’ll need to work them off.